Thursday, 27 December 2012

AS THE OLD YEAR DIES, here is Pickwick's Almanac for 2013.
JANUARY: History is made as WOD Mod triumphs in FDC by-election. She reprises Thatcher's 1979 'St Francis of Assisi' speech on the steps of No 10 (Cafe)
FEBRUARY: Fenland newspaper editor ignores verified appearance of Jesus in Emneth, catastrophic earthquake in Walsoken, and 70+ virgin births in Leverington, for latest 'Supermarketgate' rumours.
MARCH: Latest version of scorching erotic best-seller is renamed 'Twenty Five Shades of Tholomas Drove' due to savage budget cuts.
APRIL: Jesus forgives local editor, and establishes office in Nene Parade. Wisbech Standard still leads with rumours about Whittlesey corner shop.
MAY: The civilised world applauds FDC's commitment to Libertarian thinking, as Wisbech Cat Refuge is awarded 24/7 booze license.
JUNE: Filming of 'Five Shades of Friday Bridge" moved from Dogging Park to New Bell Yard after FDC imposes 475% tax on all creative activity.
JULY: Evisons granted booze license by FDC. Crowds flock to buy bottles of 'Double Diamond' and pints of  Watney's 'Red Barrel'
AUGUST: Cambs County Council caves in to pressure from WIN activists, and, overnight, installs dual carriageway along Tinkers Drove, between Lynn Road and St Michael's Avenue.
SEPTEMBER: After £4 million grant, derelict shopfronts on High Street are repainted to resemble a Lithuanian market. " A triumph for our commitment to the EU", says Tory spokesperson.
OCTOBER: Wisbech 20/20 Vision applies for free eye-test at Specsavers. Gets free frames and milk-bottle lenses.
NOVEMBER: The sexual blockbuster, 'One Shade Of Ollard Avenue' is finally screened at Three Holes Village Hall. after a delay due to the search for an adaptor for a round-pin plug.
DECEMBER: After snap local elections, all local councillors returned safely to office with average 312% majorities, after record 17% turnout.